Thursday, July 5, 2007

The "U" education; 'Nut breaks record

Be careful what you wish for, right?

Former Broncos star running back Clinton Portis is reportedly going to be ready to roll come training camp despite being one dinged-up ride. The sad thing here, once you discount the king's ransom Portis makes with the Redskins is that the flashy and mouthy product of the University of Miami blew it. If he wouldn't have been so insatiable for money he'd still be in Denver and on his way to the hall of fame. Now, he plays for a chump franchise led by a little control freak (Dan Snyder) and will retire one day as a merely good and forgettable back in the history books.

Champ Bailey, meanwhile, the goods the Broncos received in return, along with a second-round pick (Tatum Bell, we hardly knew you), is headed for the Hall.

I'm not sitting next to him on the drive home

So I see some fool named Joey Chesnut just consumed 66 hot dogs -- in one sitting -- in the annual gorge orgy of wieners in New York City.

Not that he hadn't eaten like, well, forever. No, you see, Chesnut did all this for fun and he says, honestly, patriotism, knocking off the Japanese legend who had owned this contest.

I tried to duplicate that feat of 66 on the fourth of July but came up short. Stalled out at two.

I'm ashamed that I let everyone down.

Of course I wasn't in the bathroom all night either screaming in pain, bargaining with God.

And what does the call to the plumber go like?

I also can get girls. I don't need to eat 66 dogs to impress. Not that I wouldn't hot dog-up and do that if necessary.

And one more thing -- how would you like to jam so much meat down your throat and finish in second place?

Then, you're not a winner, you're just a circus act.

Or medical journal write-up.

Rockies Rap

Remember earlier this season when Colorado flat out could not score runs?

Yesterday they laid 17 on the Mets.

Hitting is not much of a problem anymore. If the pitching wasn't so foul, the Rockies would actually be somebody, like, you know, Paris Hilton.

Time for drug testing -- Todd Helton drove in five runs in that victory.

O.K., you like dirt or otherwise, I hear, you wouldn't be here. Garrett Atkins is not the star he was last year (29 homers, 12o RBI) and likely won't be again. But he is likely a 20- homer, 100-RBI guy, consistently. Keep him.

Brad Hawpe
is having his best season but is close to maxed out regarding potential. Great arm in right field, capable bat but trade him in a package deal, possibly with a guy named below for a no. 3 starter or higher-end prospects.

Helton? Watch him age as a slap-hitting, low production lovable guy.

Kaz Matsui? Love the spark he provides for the offense. When he was hurt, the Rockies "O" was terrible. Thing is, Matsui, outside of being a .300 hitter with 25-30 steal potential just doesn't have much pop in his stick. Trade him. Maybe even pair him with Hawpe in a deal. Tell general manager Dan O'Dowd you heard it here first.

Big Man on Campus

Taunt me if you wish, wondering out loud about my heritage but looking at the CSU football schedule I just think that those back-to-back October road games against Air Force and Wyoming are going to go a long way towards determining if the Rams end up in a bowl game. Throw in the contest at San Diego State in early December and you have the difference, possibly, between either a 4-or-7-win season.

Keep heckling the WSN, Oklahoma fans, but the word out of this alley is this -- ex-Sooners' great and Minnesota Vikings no. 1 pick Adrian Peterson is not the second coming and not a future hall of fame back. Oh, we'll give it to you that "All Day" will have his moments but his career is going to be relatively short.

Nuggets Noise

Free-agent guard Steve Blake is reportedly still within the grasp of the Nuggets.

Quit fooling around! Both parties need each other. The Denver system makes Blake look like a quality player while the former Maryland Terrapin is exactly what the Nuggets need more of -- an unselfish, skilled passer.

Crystal ball

Lakers first round pick Javaris Crittenton has the skills to eventually be the best point guard that franchise has had, sorry Nick Van Exel, since that Michigan State import -- Earvin "Magic" Johnson.


Turn out the lights on hockey's Jeremy Roenick, who is done with playing after 18 years. A fine player who recorded 495 career goals, the third highest total amongst American born players.

What Roenick is remembered here most for is his verbal brawling with retired Avalanche goalie supreme Patrick Roy.

"Tell Jeremy I can't hear what he's saying because I have these (championship) rings in my ears."

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